The Myka Solution
by Valeoftheanduin
Summary: Helena G Wells was frustrated, after 3 months of blatant flirting Myka still hadn't realised what is right infront of her. However Helena has come up with the perfect solution to her problem, now if everything would just go as planned...Myka/H.G Wells
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **The Myka Solution

**Author: **Valeoftheanduin

**Pairing: **Myka/H G

**Rating **T

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, therefore I am sad and jealous and have decided to steal these characters for a little bit – please don't sue me …...?

* * *

><p>Helena G Wells was frustrated, in fact she was beyond frustrated. Had she not been a proper victorian Lady she would have said she was pissed, livid even, but proper victorian Ladies did not get pissed, and they certainly were never livid.<p>

It had been 3 months since the Regents had agreed to reunite Emily Lake with the Janus Coin, and reinstate H G Wells as a full Warehouse agent. Myka had even been the one to place the coin into her hand. The first one to hug her as her memories of her true self returned, tears of happiness glistening in her eyes as she started rambling about some pocket watch of Arthur's that had enabled her and Agent Lattimer to turn back time and save her, Agent Jinks, Mrs Frederic and the Warehouse. Myka had even been the first one to slap her, telling her through her now falling tears, that she was overjoyed to see her again, but that she had better not get any more ideas about nobly dying to save everyone else. That she could not watch her die again, even if that sacrafice had been the reason for her reinstatement.

Even in her frustration Helena smiled fondly remembering that first hug. She had been hugged repeatedly that day, told how great it was to see her again by all the Agents, even Arthur, and by Leena. Trailer had sloppily licked her face and barked happily, and Mrs Fredric had even patted her shoulder and said "Welcome home Agent Wells." But no hug, no moment since she had awoken again had been as sweet or as special as that first tight, teary hug that Myka had given her, small slap included.

Helena G Wells was a woman who was used to getting what she wanted, and since she had returned to her proper self she had decided that what she wanted most in this world was one Agent Myka Bering.

Having listened to repeatedly ever growing, and therefore most likely exaggerated, tales from Agents Donovan and Lattimer of her extremely noble almost death in agreeing to destroy the Janus Coin, and actual death in shielding Myka and Agents Lattimer and Nielsen from Sykes' bomb Helena had decided that life was indeed too short and completley unpredictable. She did not have time for Agent Bering to eventually realise that she wanted H.G. Wells – she needed her to realise that right now! In fact this was where her frustration was steeming from. Over the past 3 months she had blatantly flirted with Myka, she had invaded her personal space, always patting a knee, rubbing her back, initiating constant hugs, pushing an errant hair behind her ear, even going as far as to stroke a finger lightly down her lovely porcelain neck on a few occasions. And yet the beautiful American agent seemed completley unaware of what Helena was trying to tell her. Of course she could never actually come straight out and ask Myka to be hers forever, or even just ask her out on a date – it wasn't proper for a Lady to have to ask such a thing, and Helena was nothing if not a proper English Lady. No Myka would just have to, what was it that Agent Lattimer kept saying... ah yes, Myka would just have to 'buy a clue', and quickly! Except as highly intelligent, and observant as Agent Bering was she could not seem to see what was staring her in the face. It was all really rather frustrating actually!

Helena was convinced that these 'clues' of Agent Lattimer's could not be overly dear – hadn't America just gone through a major recession! Myka had a steady well paying job in a time where many people were still struggling, and she never seemed to spend her earnings on anything other than the occasional book, or treat for Pete the ferret. Maybe she had Scottish heritage – that would certainly explain the cheapness... Bloody hell! Helena would happily buy one of these 'clues' for her if Agent Lattimer would just tell her where to get them from.

No clearly Agent Bering was dropped on the head as a baby – it really was the only explanation.

Helena G Wells was frustrated. She was being denied something by the one person who had the power to give it to her, and Helena G Wells was not the sort of woman that should ever be denied anything! After 3 months of complete and utter frustration Helena had come to the conclusion that the only solution to her problem was to "borrow" one of the Warehouses' artifacts and use it on the beguilingly unaware Agent Bering. Helena was sure that Agent Neilsen would not have a problem with this course of action – yes it was a little unorthodox, but really it was for the greater good. Afterall a frustrated, agitated, grumpy H.G. Wells was exactly what the world did not need. No Helena thought, finally smiling to herself, this really was the best solution.

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter II**

"Drat!" exclaimed the British agent as she scanned the endless aisles of the Warehouse. Really Arthur's inventory system left a lot to be desired, she had been searching for the past hour and had yet to come across the artifact she was after. Really why the man hadn't simply come up with sections like 'Artifacts to Buy Agent Bering a Clue' or 'Guaranteed to Seduce Beguilingly Unaware Agents' instead of 'Section HA176' or 'Isle C52'... clearly the man had no imagination, it was infuriating and quite frankly a waste of her time and patience.

"HG man! How's it hanging?" Agent Lattimer interrupted her quiet grumplings.

"How is what hanging Agent Lattimer?" Helena somewhat testily asked, after all she very rarely understood anything that came out of his mouth. Indeed the Agents Manual needed to come with a section on translating the inane phrases of one Mr Peter Lattimer, plus he was currently stopping her from reaching her goal. Why did these people keep insisting on stopping her from getting what she wanted? Did they not understand that she was a proper English Lady damn it? Did they not understand that that meant she got whatever she wanted?

"Ah well it means... um... you ah... you know" Agent Lattimer spluttered lamely, going slightly red faced.

"No I do not know Agent Lattimer, hence my asking you what it meant." Helena exclaimed exasperatedly. Really had the education system actually crumbled this much in just over a hundred years that it could produce such idiotic imbeciles as Agent Lattimer and every other moron in this god forsaken upstart of a country? Not Agent Bering though, Helena thought to herself smiling dreamily, she was definitley neither idiotic nor imbecilic, no she was intellegent and sexy and smart and radiant and...

"Ah its just an expression HG, it means 'Hi'" Agent Lattimer finally advised her, rubbing the back of his neck in slight embarrassment.

"Ohh, well then... Hello Agent Lattimer." Helena responded having been pulled out of her day dream by his answer.

"What you up to HG?" Pete continued. "Has the boss-man got you doing inventory?" He queried sympathetically, afterall everyone knew how much doing inventory sucked. He was convinced Artie only gave out that job as punishment, so what on earth had the naughty-naughty British agent done now?

"No! Of course not Agent Lattimer." Exclaimed Helena, quite shocked at his assumption. She was a Lady after all, and as such doing something as tedious as Arthur's ridiculous, never ending inventory was simply beneath her! "I am actually a Lady you know" She added, quite convinced by now that too many of the people here did not understand this very important fact.

"Well ah... good for you man, thats great..." Pete finished rather lamely. For the life of him he would never understand women, and he would certainly never understand 145 year old English 'Ladies'. It really just was all beyond him he thought, lightly scratching his head.

"Thank you Agent Lattimer." Helena replied hoping he now understood.

Turning to leave the younger man to his head scratching, she suddendly thought of a better way of continuing her search. "Agent Lattimer" She called turning back to face him "You wouldn't happen to know where Arthur is keeping Mata Hari's Stockings would you dear?" She asked sweetly.

"Yeah sure, why do you want to know HG? You planning on wearing them to finnaly get some fun times with Mykes?" He asked smirking at his joke.

"I... ah... well yes." Helen stuttered, somewhat shocked, maybe Agent Lattimer wasn't actually the blockhead she had assumed he was.

"Ah...HG...?" Pete spluttered starting to look concerned, he was actually only joking...

"Yes?...Oh...I..." Helen started seeing the concerned look on the young mans face. "Well obviously I was joking. Ha ha " She exclaimed. "Use them on Myka – how silly, that would be ah... wrong? Wouldn't it..." She finnished with a slight hint of a question in her voice.

"Yeah, Ha ha." Pete responded totally missing the question in HG's voice.

"Why did you want it anyway?" He asked.

"Um...oh... ah you see …. Arthur lost them, I mean …... He can't remember where he stored them, and the old boy asked me to ah find them for him." Helena stumbled around a lie.

"Artie lost them?" Pete queried, he really couldn't imagine Artie losing an artifact.

"Um yes, you know old age, dementia that sort of thing." Helena clarifyed, quite happy with her lie now.

"Oh well I guess..." Pete mumbled, after all Artie was getting older and grumpier.

"Oh, its in the World War I section HG." Pete added helpfully, remembering the other agents original question.

"The World War I section, well yes that would make a great deal of sense, but what bloody stupid numbering system is that section?" Helena muttered to herself, once again frustrated with Agent Neilsen's ridiculous system.

"Um HG, the numbers are only on one side of the signs, the actual section name is on the other side." Pete provided helpfully.

"What ….I..." Helen muttered, how could she have missed that? Of course the signs had senseable section names aswell as numbers. "Of course I knew that Agent Lattimer!" She huffed "Do you take me for an idiot?" She demanded.

"Course not HG." Pete replied. "Ah the section you want is just over there" He helpfully pointed out.

"Brilliant! Thanks dear boy." Helena exclaimed over her shoulder as she took off in the pointed out direction.

"Women..." Pete smirked to himself, shaking his head, as he began the long trek back to the office.

* * *

><p>"Hmm quite lovely" Helen smiled to herself as she took in her reflection the next morning. Even the second rate garish mirror that was provided with her room at Leena's did nothing to diminish the utter seductivness of the image that looked back at her. She was definitley 'smok'n hot' as Agent Lattimer would say. And well she should be, thought Helena to herself with a slight huff, she had actually had to venture into the sorry excuse for a "town" that Univille was in order to purchase a skirt, having found that her meager wardrobe consisted only of shirts, jackets and slacks. And she certainly wasn't going to get herself started on the shortness of a Ladies skirt these days, why it was practically scandalous! However that said when she pictured Agent Bering in the offending piece of clothing the scandalousness completley evapourated from her head and she turned into a happy pile of dreamy lust filled goo.<p>

Oh well time to show Myka her newly "aquired" stockings, she thought to herself as she walked from her room to head out to the Warehouse, happily whistling a jaunty tune.

* * *

><p>"Va va Voom!" Pete shouted as Helena walked through the Umbilicus into Arties office that morning. "Damn! You look fine for an old lady HG" he complimented her.<p>

"Old Lady?" Helena exclaimed "I do know kempo, and I will kill you Agent Lattimer." She smiled evily at the younger agent, old indeed!

"Dude's right but HG" Claudia commented swiveling round on her chair, "You look Howt girl!" She added approvingly.

"Thank you Agent Donovan" Helena told the young girl, assuming from her tone she was complementing her.

"You look beautiful Helena" Myka whispered into the British agents ear, startling her by coming up behind her. "But then you always do." She added smiling.

"I... ah..." Helena gasped, lost for words, and at risk of losing herself in Myka's emerald eyes.

"Yes, Yes! Agent Wells looks awfully fancy" Artie interrupted agitated that all of his agents had stopped listening to him. "Now sit down , I'm talking" he ordered.

"Myka darling" Helena wishpered quietly to Agent Bering as she sat down beside her. "Do you like my new stockings?" She asked.

"Umm... Yes... they're very nice" Myka quietly whispered back, trying to avoid Arties ire by appearing to listen intently to him.

"Wouldn't you like to run your hands across them darling?" Helena inquired seductivley.

"What? …...Ah...?" Myka almost yelled, was Helena alright? She was certainly acting very strangley.

"I simply thought you might like to feel them dear, they're very smooth, you know incase you wanted to get yourself a pair." The older agent added.

"Oh, I prefer pants Helena, but thanks." Myka whispered back, now less worried about the Brit's sanity, she was clearly just trying to be helpful.

"But Myka darling!" Helena began to whine.

"Agent Wells!" Artie exclaimed, he really was getting sick of no one listening to him. In fact he was just about to rip HG a new one, as Claudia would so vulgarly say, when he noticed a new addition to the room "Mrs Frederic..." he began "How can we help you today?" He inquired.

"Please Arthur carry on, I just wanted to borrow Agent Bering for a minute." The caretaker informed him.

"Well you can just get in line darling" Helena huffed, not at all happy with this turn of events. Things were not going as planned today, she was simply supposed to walk in, get Myka to touch the stockings, and que happy fun frustrationless times for her. She was damned if she was going to let anyone take Myka from her before she had that chance.

"Agent Wells, I assure you I only wish to borrow Agent Bering for a few minutes, you may have her back after that." Irene Frederic compasonatley told the upset British woman, reaching out to give her a comforting pat on the knee.

"Ohh Agent Wells!" Irene exclaimed suddenly, looking into the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen in her very long life.

"Oh Drat!" Helena exclaimed in a panic, things were certainly not going to plan.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you for the wonderful reviews, I truly appreciate them :)

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter III<strong>

"Ah, what did you need Mrs Frederic?" Myka queried whilst casting a worried glance towards Helena who had for some unknown reason tipped over her chair and bolted to the oppisite side of the room. Maybe there really was something wrong with the British agent today after all...

"Hmm... what Agent Bering?" Irene asked distractedly as she slowly stalked her way towards Agent Wells, who currently seemed to be trying to push herself through the closed window that looked out into the Warehouse.

"I... ah, you wanted to talk to me Mrs Frederic?..." Myka replied, really not understanding the scene that was unfolding infront of her.

"Did I?..." Irene questioned coming to a halt, had she actually wanted to talk to Agent Bering? She couldn't remember wanting to do that. In fact she couldn't really remember wanting anything other than the alluring British agent who was currently looking like a deer caught in headlights. "No silly me..." Irene muttered, as she once more began advancing on the lovely dark haired siren. "I meant I wanted to borrow Agent Wells for a minute."

"Ohh, um okay..." Myka muttered quietly to herself.

"Well you can not!" Helena practically screamed at the advancing woman.

"I can not what, pumpkin?" Irene sweetly asked the agitated agent.

"Pumpkin?...Well I never!" Helena spluttered in shock. "Woman I insist you desist your advancement on me at once!" She added in an affronted panic.

"Helena!" Myka chastised. Really the woman needed to watch how she talked to people, especially the Caretaker of the Warehouse. Did she not realise that Mrs Frederic had the power to re-bronze or imprison her again, to take her away from Myka once more...

"Agent Wells!" Artie screamed at the annoying British woman. Really he was sick and tired of the infuriating woman wreaking havoc in his ordered life.

"Mr Nielsen" Irene huffed, emphasising Mr rather than Agent. Incensed that he would interfere with her goal of capturing the divine agent infront of her. "You will not speak to Agent Wells, to Helena, like that again if you value your job!" She finished, leveling him with an icey glare.

"...but...I..." He mumbled. How was any of this his fault? That woman...

"Myka darling, Help!" Helena shrieked, as she took the opportunity provided by Mrs Frederic's distraction with Arthur and lept out the office door and rushed down into the Warehouse.

"What the Frak...?" Claudia asked. "I mean seriously, what the Hell just happened?" She looked around the room for one of the other agents to give her an explanation for the sudden Crazy that had just occurred.

"Helena is simply playing hard to get Agent Donovan." Irene answered the youngest agent with a smirk. She really did rather enjoy the chase, she thought to herself as she suddenly poped into oblivion again.

"Mrs Frederic...?" Artie mumbled. He hated how she always did that, it was so disconcerting.

"Women..." Pete smirked, shaking his head. That really was the only explanation.

"Agent Lattimer, that is the most intellegent thing I have heard you say yet." Artie congratulated the younger agent. After all he was right, it really was the only explanation.

"...Where is Agent Bering?" Steve Jinks suddenly asked, uttering something for the first time since the whole commotion began. On days like today he really wondered if being a Warehouse Agent was the best decision he had ever made.

* * *

><p>"...hello..." Helena quietly spoke into her now silent Farnsworth, as she huddled into her hiding place in one of the aisles of the Warehouse.<p>

"helena, where are you?" Myka whispered into her device. "And why are we whipsering?" She added, speaking up, really this whole fiasco was getting rather silly. "And what the hell is going on." She demanded, after all she was sure she had a right to know.

"myka darling, i'm hiding from mrs frederic, she's after me." Helena whispered back to the other agent, quickly looking around incase the Caretaker had heard them.

"Helena, don't be obsurd." Myka berated the scared looking woman.

"she is too!" Helena quietly exclaimed. "darling I think she's being affected by an artifact..."she added.

"An artifact?"Myka questioned, it certainly would explain the whole affair. "But which one..." She muttered to herself.

"...um...i... which artifact?" Helena questioned stalling for time.

"Yes, which artifact. Helena if you think she's being effected by an artifact then you must have an idea as to which one" The younger agent finished sensibly.

"i ah …...i wouldn't have the foggiest darling." Helena lied as she quickly glanced at her nylon encased legs.

"You don't know?" Myka questioned the other woman. If she didn't have any idea about what the artifact could be, then why did she think Mrs Frederic was effected by one. Why did nothing make sense today, she sighed to herself.

"i... this is hardly my fault myka!" Helena spat at the other woman. Actually this whole thing really wasn't her fault at all. In fact if she were to be honest with herself it was all Myka's fault – had the other agent actually bothered to ask Helena out by now then this whole course of action would have been completley unnecessary and she would not have been in this ridiculous situation.

"I...Helena...I never said it was." Myka smiled sweetly at the upset woman, the British agent could be just too adorable for words sometimes. "Helena where are you?" She asked again, really needing to speak to the other woman face to face.

"i'm in the warehouse myka." Helena whispered, happy that the dashing brunette now seemed to want to come and save her.

"What...I...Well obviously, but..." Myka sighed, clearly the other woman could also be too frustrating for words sometimes as well. "Where abouts in the Warehouse are you Helena?" She questioned.

"oh right, the h.g. wells section darling." Helena clarified.

"The H.G. Wells section?" Myka stated surprised. "Really good hiding spot Helena!" She added sarcasticly. "Hold tight, I'll be there soon." She told the other woman as she slamed shut her Farnsworth and headed off in the right direction.

* * *

><p>"Helena, my sweet, sweet Helena." Irene purred as she poped into existance infront of the huddled British agent.<p>

"Blast!" Exclaimed Helena as she leapt to her feet. "How did you find me?" She asked, she really thought this was a very good hiding spot, no matter what Myka may have said.

"I am the Warehouse!" Irene stated dramatically. "You could never hide from me in here sweetpea." She added. "Though I'm sure no one else would have found you my honeybunch, it really was a good hiding place." She told the put out agent.

"Ha! I knew it!" Helena declaired in triumph. Really how dare anyone question her brilliance, even if they were utterly sexy, and...

"Sweetcheeks.." Irene called out to the distracted woman infront of her.

"Sweetcheeks?" Helena cryed out scandalised. Nobody, not even Myka, got to call her such crass petnames damn it! This woman really was beginning to push it.

"Yes, sweetcheeks" Irene repeated, as she moved in closer to the delicous Brit. "I've decided to move the Warehouse." She stated

"I...hang on what? Why?" Helena questioned flabbergasted, that wasn't what she had expected Mrs Frederic to say.

"Yes my sweet jam-tart, I'm moving the Warehouse to Massachusetts." She uttered, as she reached out to stroke Helena's cheek.

"Massachusetts?...Why?" Helena demanded, not having really noticed the gentle finger that trailed down her face in her haste to find out what was happening to her Warehouse.

"Well we can't get married here my sweet." Irene answered the other woman, as if that should have been obvious.

"Married...I...What...?" Helena spluttered

"Yes my delicous butter-pudding" Irene murmured as she slowly tried to invade every last piece of Helena's personal space. "South Dakota doesn't allow same sex marriage, but Massachusetts does." She explained. "We can finally be married my sweet apple-struddle."

"..." muttered Helena, she really had nothing to say to that. Marriage indded!

"Come here my lovely little yorkshire-pudding, and give me a kiss." Irene sighed as she moved to grab the other woman.

"Now hang on a damn minute!" Helena exclaimed as she pushed the Caretaker away. "Did you just insinuate that I am from Yorkshire madam?" She continued not content to let this latest insult slip. "I will have you bloody well know..." She started into the beginings of a very long and informative triade, when suddenly Mrs Frederic's was pulsated with an electrical blast and fell to the ground to reveal Agent Bering standing behind her with a smoking Tesla, and a slightly worried look on her face.

"Married huh?"Myka smirked "Can I be a bridesmaid?" She laughed as she bent down to make sure that she hadn't actually killed Mrs Frederic.

"I would prefer it if you were the bride darling"Helena muttered to herself, still annoyed someone would suggest she was from Yorkshire.

"What?" Myka exclaimed suddenly looking up at the older woman. She couldn't have said what she thought she did, could she...

"I said I...ah... I'm so happy I didn't die darling, you saved me again."The Brit replied, so happy with her quick thinking that she failed to notice the deflated look on the other agents face.

"I...oh...of course you did, I mean of course I did. I'll always save you Helena."Myka stuttered. Of course she hadn't said what Myka thought she had. Why would anyone ever say that about her she was just plain old boring Myka Bering.

Finally noticing that Mrs Frederic seemed to only be midly stunned Myka moved to stand up agin when she noticed Helena's legs.

"Oh my God Helena!" She exclaimed, fully standing up and advancing on the shorter woman. "Are those Mata Hari's Stocking's?" She demanded, pointing to Helena's nylon encased legs.

"What these old things?" Helena gave a strangled half attempt at a laugh as she backed back towards a shelf.

"Oh my God! They are, arent they!" Myka whispered. Why on earth was Helena wearing Mata Hari's Stockings.

"No they're not." Helena huffed. She did not like the accusatory tone in Myka's statement. She would not be accused of any wrong doing damn it! Therefore her only option was to lie.

"Yes they are." Myka stated. Was Helena actually lying to her? "I have a photographic memory Helena, don't you dare lie to me."She spat at the other woman, somewhat hurt by the deciet. "I can't believe I didn't notice them before, they're quite a unique colour..." She muttered to herself, annoyed at how slow she had been. She was supposed to be the observant one damn it! But when it came to the older woman, well her brilliant mind tended to wander a bit...

"I didn't mean to lie darling." Helena soothed, seeing the quick look of hurt that had flashed across the younger woman's face. "I just didn't want you to be angry with me." She concluded lamely.

"Why?" Myka asked "Why on earth are you wearing them Helena?"

"I um..." Helena stuttered, in somewhat of a pickle. She couldn't exactly tell Myka that she had taken them so as the younger agent would touch them and suddenly declare her undying passion for the older woman.

"Yes...?" Myka impatently queried, not sure if she really wanted to hear the Brit's explanation.

"I...ah...I needed them." Helena tried, it was a little weak, but she might be able to work with it, she was a storyteller after all.

"You needed them?" Myka stated. That was it, that was her excuse for taking an artifact from the Warehouse!

"Ah yes I, ah I need them because ...…." Helena started, seeing Myka was going to need a better explanation. "...because I didn't have any." She finished.

"You didn't have any?" Myka repeated, suddenly feeling somewhat lost.

"Ah yes! I din't have any stockings you see, and I had just brought this new skirt, and well a Lady can not wear a skirt without stockings, and I really wanted you to see my new skirt." She answered in a rush. "And I didn't think Arthur would mind if I borrowed them for a little while." She added in the hope that the younger woman would realise that she hadn't really done anything too terribly wrong.

"What...I...Why didn't you just run out and buy some?" Myka questioned.

"I forgot."Helena replied sweetly.

"You forgot...?" Myka uttered somewhat flabbergasted. It really almost seemed as if Helena didn't think she had done anything wrong.

"Yes Darling, that's my story and I'm sticking to it."She smirked at the brunette. "Now Darling, whatever are we going to do about this whole mess?" She queried the other agent.

"What are we..." Myka spluttered, did the woman actually think she was going to get to keep them until she had brought a new pair... "Helena, take them off now, we need to bag them." She demanded.

"Take them off!" Helena screamed scandalised. "But then I shall have nothing to cover my legs with."

"Helena. Off. Now." Myka spat out.

"But Myka darling..." Helena started to whine.

"Seriously Helena, if you want to move to Massachusetts and get married to Mrs F, then by all means please keep them on." Myka threatened, noticing the stricken Caretaker starting to make a slight gurgling sound.

"I...Well I suppose if you put it in that context" Helena replied with a worried look towards the floor, starting to begrudgingly remove the artifact. "I don't suppose you could help me could you darling, they're a little stuck?" She asked hopefully, stilling her movements just incase.

"Helena!" Myka shouted scandalised. Really that woman...

"no...of course not... hasn't really been my lucky day has it?" Helena muttered to herself as she finally removed the artifact and held it out towards the neutralising bag Myka had pulled from her pocket.

"Thank you Helena." Myka smiled, after ducking from the slight fireworks the artifact produced within the bag.

"Yes...well..."Helena grumpled.

"What on earth is going on here?" Irene Frederic demanded, as she stood up, rubbing the sore spot on her head.

"Ah, she teslaed you." Helena quickly pointed at the younger agent. She didn't think Mrs Frederic would bronze Myka, but she might just re-bronze H.G. So really it was only fair that the younger woman take the blame for this mess. She was a Lady after all, and a Lady was never responable for anything, even if she did start everything.

"Agent Bering?" Irene questioned turning round to look at the suddenly angry looking young woman.

"You were under the effect of an artifact Mrs Frederic, I had no choice, you were going to hurt Agent Wells." Myka explained whilst shooting Helena an angry glare. Had she really just potted her in? Hmmph, friendship indeed.

"Please do explain Agent Bering."Irene drawled, not missing the angry daggers that Agent Bering was shotting at Agent Wells. She had the feeling this was going to be good.

"Ahh...Well... we had Mata Hari's Stocking's in the office this morning as there seemed to be a slight problem with them. Helena had just picked them up to put them back on the shelf when you came in wanting to see me and ended up accidently brushing against Agent Wells hand. After that you were effected by the artifact and were romantically pursuing Agent Wells. You chased her down here, cornered her and I was forced to render you unconscious until we could neutralise the artifact." Myka finished, quite proud of her story. Well as long as Mrs Frederic had no recolection of the mornings events. She hoped to God she didn't...

"I...ah is this what happened Agent Wells?" Irene asked shocked at her part in the tale.

"Ahh...Yes! Absolutley!" Helena exclaimed, happy that Myka's explanation didn't seem to place any blame on her. "We were to be married. You wanted to move the Warehouse to Massachusetts, so our union could be recognised." Helena added, hoping to shock the Caretaker into forgetting about the whole incident.

"Married?...Move the Warehouse..." Irene spluttered. How utterly embarrassing! "And Arthur witnessed this?" She asked covering her face.

"Ahh no." Myka took pity on the distressed woman. "He never saw a thing. I mean he thought you were acting a bit weird, but only Agent Wells and I know what truly happened." She added helpfully.

"Arthur must never know of this!" Irene implored. "You will tell him that this was a top level clearence case I had the pair of you working on, and he is not cleared to know. Then you will both forget this ever happened." She more calmly stated, staring both agents down.

"Of Course." Myka squeaked, happy to have got away with the slight fib.

"So we wont be needing wedding invitations then?" queried Helena with a slight smirk.

"Agent Wells!" Irene shrieked "Would you like me to reacquaint you with the Bronze sector?"

"I...ah...No! I'm good. In fact I seem to have forgotten everything that has just transpired." Helena yelped.

"Very good Agent Wells." Irene sated before once again dissapearing into nothingness.

"I hate how she does that..." Myka muttered to herself, turning to leave and put the bagged Stockings back on the right shelf.

"Myka darling."Helena called out to the retreating agent.

"Yes Helena?" Myka stopped and turned towards the other woman.

"Did you just lie for me darling?" Helena asked the younger woman, her face braking out in a radiant smile.

"I... no! Of course not!" Myka squealed.

"I think you did darling." Helena smirked.

"I...I didn't...I'm the good agent...I..…...I always follow the rules...I …." Myka spluttered.

"I think you did darling" Helena repeated, slowly moving closer to the flustered woman. "and the way that lie just flowed right off your tounge Myka..." the older woman almost purred "I think darling, you might just be a little naughty."

"I um..." Myka whispered, becoming even more flustered. It certainly seemed to be getting very hot in here...

"Thank you darling." Helena smirked as she started to walk back towards the office.

"I...I didn't lie you know." Myka exclaimed, suddenly wanting to wipe the smirk off the other agents face. It was about time she got the last word in around here damn it!

"Didn't you?" Helena asked amused at Myka's new bravado.

"No. I was simply telling Mrs Frederic a story, a complete work of fiction. I mean we are in the H.G. Wells section, one of the greatest fiction writers of all times..." She rambled. "I was simply taking a leaf out of her book. Imean how was I to know she actually wanted the truth..."

"Indeed." Helena smiled, raher liking that the young woman thought her one of the greatest literary figures of all time.

"Oh, and Helena" Myka interrupted the Brit's thoughts.

"Yes darling?" Helena queried, not quite liking the sly smile that was etching itself across Myka's face.

"You **really** didn't need the stockings"Myka whispered seductivley as she closed in on the older agent. "They were covering up far to much !" She drawled as she slowly, distinctly, ran her eyes up the other womans exquisite legs, before slowly brushing past her and making her way back up to the office.

'Hmmm' Helena thought to herself, a smile ear to ear, as she watched the delectably alluring woman slowly walk away. Perhaps today hadn't been all that bad after all.

Now if she could just figure out which artifact to try next...

TBC.


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you for your lovely reviews, you are all too kind :)

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter IV<strong>

"Claudia dear," Helena intoned sweetly, seeing the young agent seated in the lounge, as she came down the stairs of Leena's Bed and Breakfast the next Saturday morning.

"Hey, how's my favourite victorian lady doing this morning?" Claudia smiled at HG, pausing her current game of Fruit Combat to give the older agent her full undivided attention.

"Being that I am currently in the company of one of the brightest minds the Warehouse has ever seen, I would have to say I am doing just smashing darling." Helena smiled back at the young woman. She had to say she rather liked the junior agent, she actually reminded her a lot of a younger version of herself, and hadn't she just refered to Helena as a Lady? Unfortunaltey far too many people didn't seem to realise this very important fact, that Agent Donovan clearly had was a definite plus for her in Helena's books.

"Aww shucks HG" Claudia laughed, pretending to appear embarrassed "I bet you say that to all the girlies."

"But of course darling," Helena purred " how else would I get so much traffic through my bedroom." She smirked seductivley, as she took a seat beside the young woman. She did rather enjoy shocking her new friends sometimes.

"Ohh HG, your so naughty sometimes!" Claudia laughed at the older woman's antics.

"Ohh Darling, you do not know the half of it..." Helena beamed, her eyes lighting up with mirth. Claudia could be too much fun, and far too easy sometimes...

"HG!" Claudia practically screamed, not actually having to pretend to be embarrassed now as her whole face lit up in a vibrant bright red. "Dude! Do not let Myka hear you saying that stuff man! She'll kill me!" The young agent added in a strangled whisper, quickly looking around the room incase the brunette agent was hiding somewhere with a sharp shinny object.

"Ohh Claudia darling, don't ever change dear – you're far too much fun." Helena smiled as her whole body rocked with laughter.

"Yeah go ahead, laugh at the poor innocent Claudster..." the young girl sighed, not really angry with the other woman, it was just good to see her happy for once, even if she had to be the one being made fun of for that to happen – hey that was what friends were for wasn't it. "So what do you actually want HG?" She eventually asked after the other woman's laughter had died down.

"I...what on earth makes you think I want something dear?" Helena asked evasively.

"Come on dude! I know peoples." Claudia raised an eyebrow at the other woman "You are being far too flattering not to want something off the Claudster, so come on big H spit it out, or I am going to go back to playing some Fruit Combat, and you old lady is so going to be ignored."

"Claudia dear, your grasp on the English language is bloody atrocious!" Helena exclaimed, both offended by the young girls speech patterns and stalling for time.

"Right, Fruit Combat it is then..." Claudia smirked at the older woman, raising an eyebrow, before turning back to her laptop.

"I...alright damn it! You win..."Helena huffed, she really didn't like asking for help, but it seemed she had no choice. "Claudia dear, I require you assistance." She muttered, trying to glare the smirk of the young woman's face to no avail.

"Ha! Claudster: 1, HG: 0 " Claudia Triumphantly cried, raising both arms above her head in victory. "So what can I do you for today my friend?" She asked the British agent.

"I...ah...I...well you're a woman are you not Claudia?" Helena sighed, not really all that comfortable with the subject she needed to bring up with the young girl.

"Yep, last time I checked anyway..." Claudia stated, turning to look at the other woman oddly. Why was she suddenly being all shy and hesitant? The HG she knew was super confident, brash and overly charming...

"Ohh good then..." Helena squeaked. "I ah...I need you to help buy me some woman's things." She finished in a whisper, after all it simply wouldn't do for anyone to overhear a Lady talking about such things.

"...Women's things...?" Claudia questioned, what the hell kind of old speak was that? "What like jewlery or something?" She asked.

"No dear you know...women's things" she whispered, not really wanting to say anymore.

"I...HG, I've really got no idea here, you're gonna have to work with me on this one." Claudia sighed. Was HG actually winking at her now? Was that supposed to help her understand what the hell the other woman was talking about?

"I...you know...ah... women's things for women to wear." She quietly admitted.

"Oh dude, right!" Claudia exclaimed, finally understanding the other woman now. "You want to go clothes shopping."

"I...yes...but..." Helena started.

"HG you so came to the right girl!" Claudia suddenly became quite animated. "I mean you totally rock the whole pants/ vest combo thing, but we could so punk you out..."

"I...um...Claudia!" Helena panicked, she didn't exactly mean clothes shopping in general damn it! Why did the young girl not understand what she meant? Did these people get some kind of perverse pleasure out of frustrating her? "I meant specific women's clothes." She finished with a sigh.

"Ohh, like a new jacket, or..." Claudia asked somewhat dissapointed, that wasn't nearly as exciting as giving HG a whole new look.

"No, like women's clothes that one might want to show to another woman." HG clearly, well as clearly as a Lady could, stated. She was fast running out of patiance with this whole situation. Perhaps she had been somewhat remiss in telling the young agent she had such a brilliant mind earlier, because it was certainly starting to look like she had no mind at all.

"Yeah so not getting you there HG." Claudia sighed. How on earth was this woman considered a literary genius when she couldn't even seem to string a coherent sentence together? "Maybe you could draw me a picture." She suggested helpfully.

"Oh bloody hell!" Helena yelled. Draw a picture indeed! Was the woman implying she was a simpleton? " I would like you to help me purchase a sexually alluring nightgown, that would help me to intice Agent Bering into my bedroom so as she might ask me out!" Helena blurted, shocking both herself and the young agent. "Oh my..." She quietly sighed to herself,quickly covering her reddning face. How completley unlady like of her.

"Ohh..." Claudia murmured, finally understanding what it was HG wanted her help with. "That is so cool." She drawled happily, a mischevious smirk quickly etching itself across her face. "Why didn't you just say that in the first place dude?" She laughed, quickly grabbing the older womans hand and dragging her outside towards her car.

* * *

><p>"Myka darling," Helena purred as she bounded down the stairs, rushing to meet the other woman as she came through the Inn door that evening.<p>

"Hey, Hi Helena." Myka smiled sweetly at the British woman as she placed her suitcase on the ground and gave her a quick hug.

"How was the mission? " Helena politley asked the younger agent.

"Long." Myka sighed, rubbing her tired eyes.

"Ohh that's great then darling..." Helena responded, not having listened to the younger woman's answer in her haste to explain to her her plan for the rest of the evening. "Myka dear, I had this rather brilliant idea that we could have a slumber party in my room tonight." She grinned madly at the lovely brunette.

"A slumber party...?" Myka questioned, giving the Brit an odd stare. Did the woman think she was ten years old or something? "Helena, slumber parties are for children, don't you think we're a little old for that..." She gently told the older agent.

"I...no!" Helena exclaimed. Why wasn't Myka agreeing to this? Myka was simply supposed to agree with her blast it! "I thought it might be a good chance for a little team bonding." She haughtily stated, annoyed she was not getting her own way.

"Ohh." Myka muttered, when she thought about it that way maybe it wasn't such a silly idea after all. In fact after the last couple of months everyone had had a little bit of fun was probably just what the doctor ordered. "So is everyone coming then?" She questioned the other woman.

"What?" Helena exclaimed "No, of course not don't be silly." She sighed.

"...but I thought you wanted the team to bond...?"Myka asked, slowly feeling a headache coming on.

"Well yes darling, but the boys can not come. Boy's are not allowed at a Ladies slumber party, it would be simply indecent." She explained to the confused looking agent.

Well Myka supposed that was fair enough, after all her parents had never allowed boys at any of her parties, and it would probably be a lot more fun if it was just the girls. "So just us and Claudia and Leena then?"She queried.

"I...ah...No..." Helena stuttered, quickly trying to come up with a plusable reason as to why it could only be the two of them. "Umm, I asked them and they don't want to." She finished.

"They don't want to?" Myka questioned somewhat dissapointed. Now that Helena had convinced her this was a good idea she was kind of upset that no one wanted to come.

"Umm... yes you see..." Helena began, wanting to take the sad look from Myka's face. "Ahh it's against Leena's religon to attend a slumber party." She lied.

"Ohh I hadn't realised Leena was very religious." Myka sighed. Obviously she was a bad friend. She should have known this about the Innkeeper.

"Yes darling, she just doesn't like to talk about it very often...or in fact ever." She added incase Myka decided to run off and ask her about it.

"Ohh." Myka stated, feeling slightly better. "So why can't Claudia come then?"She queried.

"Ahh...she um...she had a bad experience with one when she was a child."Helena simply stated.

"Really? " myka asked, quite intrigued.

"Ahh...yes... There was a murder and ….." Helena began concoting a rather tall tale.

"A murder?" Myka exclaimed quite shocked.

"Yes, a murder. And drugs, and fireworks, and a kidnapping..." She listed off.

"Oh my God, that poor girl." Myka exhaled in sympathy. "...hang on – fireworks? Helena how are fireworks a bad experience?" She added after a minute.

"Ahh...they were loud. Yes very, very loud. And they caused a fire." Helena hastily added to her story.

"Oh, okay..." Myka muttered. "So you want to throw a slumber party for team bonding purposes that includeds only you and I?" She questioned the other woman.

"Yes darling." Helena smiled, happy the brunette now seemed to understand her.

"Well I suppose that sounds alright." The younger agent decided. "why don't we do that next weekend?" She smiled at the British woman.

"What? No! Tonight!" Helena demanded, only just stopping herself from stamping her foot.

"Helena, I'm tired. Its been a really long couple of days. " Myka sighed. "I've only just gotten home, and all I want to do is have something quick to eat, and to go sleep for ages in my own bed." She added.

"But Myka darling!" Helena began to whine. Next weekend simply would not do!

"Helena." Myka warned.

"But Darling, I spent ages buying women's things!" She complained, almost on the verge of throwing a complete tantrum.

"Helena! Do you want me to send you to your room?" Myka scolded the older woman.

"Only if you're coming darling." Helena drawled, unable to keep the smirk of her face.

"Helena you're incorrigible!" Myka laughed, unable to stay angry at the other woman's antics. She was simply too charming. "I promise we'll have a slumber party next weekend." She told the older agent as she quickly gave her a friendly kiss on the cheek and headed off to her room.

Helena sighed to herself, smiling as she touched her now burning cheek.

* * *

><p>'Yes!' Helena exclaimed triumphantly to herself as she heard Myka leave her bedroom and head downstairs to the kitchen.<p>

She was damned if she was going to wait a whole other week to have a slumber party, surley Arthur would have noticed the artifact she had borrowed was missing by then...

Quickly grabbing a hammer and a hacksaw from her tool bag she quietly snook into the young womans bedroom. Shutting the door behind her she approached Myka's bed. Hastily removing the mattress and sheets, she set about removing the legs and breaking the frame. If Myka didn't have a bed, then she would be forced to share with Helena, possibly for an extended period of time...

* * *

><p>"Myka darling." Helena innocently intoned, as she walked into the kitchen to find the younger agent and the Innkeeper quietly conversing over a small supper. "I was just passing your room when I noticed your bed seems to have broken." She added, trying to keep the smile out of her voice.<p>

"...my what?" Myka queried. What on earth was the other woman on about now...?

"Mykes buddy!" Pete exclaimed, laughing, as he came running into the room. "What kind of kinky stuff have you been up to?" He smirked at the brunette agent.

"Pete...what...?" Myka sighed, feeling her headache coming back tenfold. Why did she work and live with a bunch of overgrown children?

"Dude! Your bed is in pieces all over the floor." Pete happily explained. "Come on Mykes, you know you want to tell Uncle Pete how it happened, all the juicey details! I mean we are partners after all, and partners share Everything!" He added winking at her.

"...my bed?...my bed is broken...?" Myka sighed, suddenly deciding that God must truly hate her.

"I believe that was what I was trying to tell you earlier darling." Helena helpfully added.

"Myka, I'm so sorry..." Leena uttered, completley distraught. Really what kind of a business was she running if the furniture just up and broke on her guests.

"Leena, don't worry about it, it's not your fault." Myka told the other woman. "Look the bed was getting pretty old anyway...I'll just go into town tomorrow and pick up a new one."

"Still I'm sorry..." Leena sighed, noticing how tired the brunette looked.

"It's okay Leena." Myka smiled at the Innkeeper, giving her a small comforting pat on the shoulder. She really didn't like seeing her friend so upset, even if it meant a slight inconvenience for her.

"Then you can share my bed in the mean time darling!" Helena happily exclaimed.

"Yeah! That is sooo h..." Pete began, a leecherous twinkle in his eyes.

"Mr Lattimer, I would not finish that sentence were I you." Helena quickly glared at the smirking young man.

"Ahh, I meant that is so helpful and charitable of you HG." Pete hastily added. He was man enough to admit that the British agent just damn well scared him sometimes.

"Thank you Mr Lattimer." Helena smiled at the frightened looking agent.

"Ohh, of course!" Leena suddenly exclaimed. "Why didn't I think of that before. Myka, my cousin owns a furniture store in town. I'll give him a call and get him to deliver a new bed tonight." She happily added.

"If it's not to much trouble Leena, that would be great." Myka replied happily, as the Innkeeper began to walk to the phone.

"No!" Helena suddenly exclaimed in a panic. This would not do at all. "I ah...I mean, you should probably finish your supper first, you don't want it getting cold." She added when Myka turned to look at her suspicously.

"Helena's right Leena, finish your supper first. It shouldn't take too long to deliver." Myka stated, happy to see that the British woman was being so considerate.

"Well if your sure..." Leena smiled at Myka, as she sat back down at the kitchen table.

"Ah, Leena dear, you wouldn't happen to have your cousins phone number on you would you?" Helena aked the other woman. "Ahh I just thought it might be handy to have in the future, you know, in case my bed breaks or something." She added when she noticed the strange looks she was getting.

"Oh, of course." Leena nodded, completley understanding. Although she did hope the British agent's furniture did not start breaking as well. "He left some business cards in the foyer last time he was here, you're welcome to help yourself." She told the older woman.

"Thank you dear, most kind of you." She polietly responded as she rushed out of the room.

* * *

><p>"Hello, is that ah... Bruce, from Bruce's Bargin Bed's and Beyond?" Helena questioned into her phone, as she scrunched up her face at the man's terrible use of alliteration.<p>

"Sure is Ma'am. How can I help ya?" Bruce replied back.

"Oh, I'm so happy to have finally gotten hold of you Sir." Helena exclaimed, putting on a sickly sweet voice. "My name is Agent...I mean Agnes, yes my name is Agnes and I am calling from the Univille Times." She finished.

"You're calling from the where?" Bruce asked completley confused.

"The local newspaper dear. You know - the daily rag, the weekly gazette, the monthly review... whatever you want to call it." Helena sighed.

"Oh right, the Univille Star." Bruce added helpfully.

"Yes, yes whatever." Helena muttered. "We were calling in regards to the ad you placed. It seems you've won a prize for advertising with us." She added.

"Ad?" Bruce queried. "No I don't place ads with you guys, you're much too dear. No I just put them on the radio." He finished, scratching his head in confusion.

"Oh silly me!" Helena laughed. It seemed everybody in this ridiculous town's sole pupose in life was to frustrate the hell out of her! "I meant you won the competition we were running for Univille's Best Store." She added with an agitated sigh.

"Oh my goodness!" Bruce exclaimed rather excited now. "Wow, thats so great! I mean we've always tried really hard to serve the people of Univilles furniture needs, so to win something like this is just amazing." he began to happily ramble.

"Yes, well we got so many lovely comments about your store.." Helena unenthusiasticly muttered. "Anyway your prize is a month long trip to a completley different country." She stated, finnaly getting to the purpose of the call. "But you have to leave right now – your flight is in an hour."

"An hour?" Bruce aked somewhat shocked, that really wasn't very much time.

"Yes, ah we've been trying to get hold of you for a while now." Helena explained "I'll send you your tickets and information via email, but you really aught to run along and pack." She tried to rush the man.

"Oh okay." Bruce muttered, that did seem fair enough he supposed. "I'll just have to let my wife know, so she can run the store then." Bruce replied.

"Ah No! She can't !" Helena screamed down the phone. "I mean she can't because she won tickets too." She finished more calmly.

"Oh wow!" Bruce exhaled happily. He hadn't been on holiday with his wife for years, so to get the chance to visit a whole other country that was just... "What about the kids though?" He asked, after all they couldn't very well leave their children to fend for themselves.

"Of course..." Helena muttered, having to bite her tounge to stop herself from screaming at the annoying little man. "We at the Univille Star are a family orientated newspaper, so of course we'd include your children in the prize."

"All six of them?" He quickly questioned.

"Six?" Helena yelled completley scandalised. Who had six children these days? "Have you ever considered adoption Bruce?" She added, not quite able to stop herself from being snarky. This was going to end up costing her a lot of money. Agent Bering was super lucky that she was worth every penny.

"Excuse me?" Bruce asked, sure he could not of heard the other woman right.

"I...ah...I said how lovely Bruce. Six children, you must be so proud." Helena hastily answered.

"Well, yes I am." Bruce stated happily. "I'll just give one of my staff members a call then, and they can run the store." He told her.

"Ahh No! Your staff are going too. After all the prize is for the whole store." Helena huffed. Couldn't the man just take the prize and go? Would it really hurt to shut his store down for a whole month?

"All 14 of them?" He asked, sure the paper wasn't going to fork out that much money, but then they did charge through the roof for advertising so they must have been very rich...

"14?" Helena bellowed "How on earth can you have 14 staff members? This isn't exactly New York Bruce?" She demanded.

"Well people really like our furniture, we're always busy." He explained.

"Yes, well...Fine your all going." She huffed, hoping this didn't bankrupt her, as she pulled up the airport information and started ordering tickets.

"Where are we going to Agnes?" Bruce asked quite excited now.

"Somalia." Helena smirked as she sent the tickets through to Bruce's email.

"Somalia?" Bruce exclaimed "Isn't that quite dangerous?" He quietly asked, after all he didn't want to be to rude after everything these people had done for him.

"No, no Bruce, it's quite safe. In fact its the new destination for all the hip young tourists these days." She lied. One – it was cheap, and two – hopefully they all got kidnapped and could not return to Univille to sell beds for a very long time. Yes it was a little mean of her, but really it was all for the greater good.

"Ohh, well thanks Agnes." He replied happy with her explaination. "Anyway I'd better run and pack, but anytime you want a piece of furniture come and see me and I'll do you a really good deal." He told her.

"I'm sure I will, thank you." Helena lied. "Goodbye Bruce." She smirked as she happily hung up the phone.

* * *

><p>"Leena dear." Helena drawled as she walked into the kitchen a little while later. "Did you get hold of your cousin?"<p>

"Yeah I did. It's the darndest thing though..." The Innkeeper began to answer "He said he's closing the store for a whole month as all the staff won a trip to Somalia, but they had to leave immediatley..."

"Well, imagine that..." Helena happily drawled.

"...But Somalia, I mean it's hardly a safe country... I hope they'll be alright..." Leena sighed, concerned for her cousin.

"I'm sure they'll be fine Darling." Helena lied as she gave the young woman a comforting pat.

"Ahh, Helena..." Myka interrupted from the other side of the room. "I... would it still be okay if I shared your bed? I don't think I'll be able to get a new one for a little while..." She sighed, rubbing her now overtired eyes.

"Of course darling!" Helena purred, all too happy she was now finnally getting her way. "I'm just going up to bed now, you should come soon darling you look terribly worn out." She beamed at the young brunette.

"Yeah, I'll be up very shortly. Thanks Helena." Myka murmured, returning the older woman's happy smile.

* * *

><p>Helena quickly rushed up the stairs and into her room. Shutting her door behind her she hastily changed into the garment young Claudia had helped her pick out that morning. Beyond happy with the seductive reflection that stared back through her mirror she quickly grabbed a chair and pulled it over to her bed. Climbing unsafely on the back of the chair she hurried to attach the Original Misletoe she had borrowed from the Aisle of Noel earlier to the bottom of the light that hung over the middle of her bed. Finally getting it into place she shoved the chair back to its original position and lounged across her bed waiting for the sexy brunette agent to arrive.<p>

* * *

><p>Myka stood outside Helena's door wearing her blue flannel kitten pyjammas and fluffy pink rabbit slippers. God she was so tired she thought to herself as she raised a hand to knock. "Helena." She quietly inquired as she opened the door and slowly entered the room. She came to a complete halt however when she noticed the British agent lying across her bed in the most provocative short black silk negligee she had ever seen. "...I...Ah..." She spluttered completley lost for words. How on earth was she going to be able to share a bed with this woman? She wouldn't be able to control herself damn it!<p>

"Myka darling," Helena purred "Come to bed." She smiled at the younger woman as she patted the space beside her.

"I...ah...teeth...I um...I haven't brushed my teeth..." Myka squeaked as she quickly rushed from the room.

'Yes' Helena smiled to herself, for an old lady she still definitley had it. Maybe things were actually going to go her way for once.

* * *

><p>"Come in darling." Helena smiled at the knock on her door a few minutes later.<p>

"Ahh Agent Wells, good." Jane replied happily as she entered Helena's bedroom "I was hoping to find you before I left." She added.

"Mrs Lattimer!" Helena exclaimed trying to cover her minimal clothing in shock. "What on earth are you doing here?" She demanded.

"I stopped in to see Agent Jinks earlier, and I thought I'd come and see everyone before I left." Jane explained. "Look Agent Wells, I'm sorry to have disturbed you." She murmured sympatheticly, she did realise it was late, but she had a problem she needed help with. "But Peter's birthday is coming up, and I thought his friends might have an idea of something special I could get him..." She continued.

"I..." Helena mumbled, crossing her hands across her chest, still a little shocked at the Regent's sudden apparence in her room.

"I just think, that maybe he hasn't fully forgiven me for lying to him for all those years..." She continued to frantically explain, not even noticing how uncomfortable Helena suddenly looked. "...And with everything that has happened, well I need to make it up to him." She sighed hoping the other woman could help her. "I talked to Agent Donovan and Leena, and I thought maybe you might have an idea..." She asked hopefully as she walked towards the British woman.

"Mrs Latimer, Jane, Stop!" Helena exclaimed as the regent started to walk towards the bed.

"Is everything all right Agent Wells?" Jane questioned, suddenly seeing the panicked look on the other woman's face.

"I...ah...I don't like such closeness." Helena lied, her eyes worriedly looking towards the Original Misletoe above her, actually truth be told she was quite a tactile person, just not in this situation, and definitley not with Agent Lattimers mother! "I...ah...I need a lot of personal space." She finished more calmly.

"Oh don't be silly dear." Jane soothed, thinking that the Brit sounded rather like a scared child. Now children she was good with, just not Adults, and certainly it seemed at the moment, not her full grown son... Walking towards the bed she sat down and intended to pull Agent Wells into a soft motherly hug, instead she grabbed the other woman and passionatley wrapped her arms around her, drawing her face, her delicious lips, towards hers.

* * *

><p>"Mykes, nice Jammies!" Pete Lattimer laughed as he walked into the shared bathroom.<p>

"Shut up!" Myka grumpled, smaking him in the arm as she wiped the leftover toothpaste from her mouth.

"No seriously dude, you look just like my 5 year old niece." He happily exclaimed. He loved winding Myka up, she was just to easy.

"Pete..." Myka warned, heading back towards Helena's room, sighing when her partner followed her. "Seriously Pete..." She began as she came to a complete halt outside Helena's doorway, whatever she had been about to say dying away in utter shock at the picture she saw infront of her. Helena and Jane were lying on the British woman's bed, their arms around each other, engaged in a heated, passionate kiss.

"Helena!" She gasped completely stunned.

'Mom!" Pete screamed beside her.

TBC.


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you for the many kind reviews – you are all too lovely :)

Also, my epicest appologies for the ridiculous amount of time it took me to get around to updating this.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter V<strong>

Hearing her son's voice behind her Jane suddenly pulled herself away from Agent Wells.

"...I...Peter..." She choked.

"Dudes! So not cool..." Pete sighed, shaking his head angrily, as he turned and ran towards his room.

"I...um...I'll just go share with Claudia..." Myka muttered sadly as she turned and headed towards the youngest agents room.

"But Myka Darling..." Helena cried after the retreating agent. "Oh bollocks!" she eclaimed in annoyance, when her words only seemed to hasten the other woman's flight. Getting up from her bed she quickly strode to the other side of the room and grabbed her dressing gown from the chair she had earlier thrown it across. Quickly putting it on, she turned to face the panicing Regent acoss from her.

"...I...Agent Wells, I'm so sorry. I have no idea what came over me." Jane sighed hiding her head in her hands.

"Yes, well neither do I Mrs Lattimer." Helena started, hurridly glancing up at the Original Misletoe still hanging above her bed. She hoped that the Regent didn't notice it, she was perfectly sure that the other woman would not understand that there really was very little harm in her borrowing a few things from work...

"Actually I haven't the foggiest idea how this all happened, its all really rather strange. However I am sure that I had absolutley nothing to do with it." She added, wanting to reinforce the fact that clearly this was not her fault.

"Well of course Agent Wells." Jane agreed "I kissed you. I just have no idea why I did it I mean I have been tired latley, but still..." she trailed off, shaking her head in confusion.

"Clearly this is all Agent Lattimer's fault." Helena decided.

"I...Peter...?" Jane questioned, now even more confused. How on earth was her grabbing someone and planting a kiss on them even remotley her son's fault?

"Well clearly this was all due to the stress of having Agent Lattimer as your son." Helena explained as though this should have been obvious. "I know from having worked with him how trying the young man can be." She confirmed "Why there have been days when I have felt the urge to simply grab a random stranger and kiss them simply from the stress your son induces." She lied.

"I...ah...I suppose..." The Regent sighed. Really as an explaination that made absolutley no sense at all, but the other woman was giving her an out, one she wanted to take very badly... "Yes of course, it's all Peter's fault." She stated, trying to sound like she believed it. "So we'll just ah, forget about all of this then shall we?" She asked hopefully.

"Forget about what dear?" Helena queried "For the life of me I cannot seem to remember what just happened" she added with an extra large fake smile.

"Oh...ah...well good then." Jane sighed, happy to pretend that nothing had actually happened, as she turned to walk out of the British agent's room.

"Oh, and Mrs Lattimer." Helena called after the retreating Regent.

"...ah yes?" Jane asked timidly, could the other woman not see that Jane was in a rush to high tale it anywhere the hell away from her?

"About Agent Lattimer's birthday present..." Helena began.

"Oh yes, did you have an idea?" Jane inquired, forgetting for a moment that this whole situation was supposed to be all really rather awkward.

"Indeed." Helena simply stated. "Your son is a gay homosexual." She lied. After a great deal of consideration she had decided that she was not actually lying before. Obviously this was all Agent Lattimer's fault, and as such she was going to make sure he paid for that, she thought to herself with a slightly evil smirk.

"I...what?...Peter is not...gay" Jane exclaimed in shock.

"Oh but he is" Helena smiled "In fact he's the biggest, gayest homosexual I have ever meet in my very long life." She added.

"...but he's never said anything..." Jane whispered, surley her son would have told her something this major "...and he's always had lots of girlfriends, he was even married..." She added, now sure that the Brit must be mistaken.

"Oh that was all for show dear." Helena lied " Why do you think he got divorced?" She added with a conspirital wink. "No I'm afraid the dear boy has always been worried that you would react badly if you ever found out the truth so he has hidden this side from you for years." She finished her story.

"Oh...but ….I..." Jane trailed off completely unsure of what she wanted to say.

"In fact why do you think he joined the Marine's?" Helena asked the Regent "It certainly wasn't for the snappy uniform. No, your son joined the Marine's so he could be around big, strong beefcakes of men." She added, trying to make her little tale beliveable.

"Oh my god.." Jane exclaimed. The other woman was right, clearly her son was gay. "...Peter's gay..." She sighed, really this explained so much. "What kind of horrible mother does that make me." She muttered to the British agent. "I mean my own son can't even tell me something this important because he thinks I'll hate him." She cried as she threw herself around the dark haired agent.

"There, there." Helena murmured, as she patted the sobbing woman on the back, quickly looking round to make sure they were far enough away from the Original Misletoe. "Perhaps you could make it up to him by getting him a boyfriend for his birthday."She suggested.

"...a boyfriend...?" Jane questioned. Where on earth did one get a boyfriend as a present, it wasn't as if one could simply go to a shop and buy one...

"Yes dear, a boyfriend." Helena repeated. "Perhaps you could get one on that internet thingy." She suggested, afterall one could get pretty much anything on that. "I would suggest getting him a big, strong, rough, scary, criminal looking one – possibly one of those biker types." She added with a smirk, Agent Lattimer was going to pay for ruining her planned fun times with Agent Bering damn it!

"...a criminal...biker..." Jane spluttered, quite sure that was exactly the oppisite type of man she wanted her son bringing home.

"Ah yes dear..." Helena began, quickly searching for a reason for the Regent to go along with her brilliant idea for revenge. "I know from working with Agent Lattimer on a daily basis that that is exactly the type of man he is attracted to." She lied "Plus a man like that would be able to protect your son." She added, hoping to appeal to the other woman's maternal instincts.

"Well he does have a very dangerous job..." Jane muttered, actually quite liking the idea of knowing that someone would always be there to look out for Peter.

"Exactly."Helena smiled sweetly at the Regent.

"I suppose I was looking for an unconventional present, and this certainly fits the bill. Thank you Agent Wells." Jane stated happily as she turned to leave the British woman's room in search of her son.

"My pleasure." Helena smirked to herself. Now she just had to find Agent Bering and make everything alright again...

* * *

><p>"Claud" Myka loudly whispered as she opened the door into the younger woman's darkened room. "Are you awake?" She asked as she moved towards the lump in the middle of the bed and poked at it.<p>

"The Claudster is sleeping at the moment, please leave a message after the beep and she will get back to you at a reasonable hour." The young woman growled as she grabbed a pillow and hid her head under it.

"Claud..." Myka whined, poking the young girl even harder " I know you're awake."

"No, no, fully asleep." The young tech explained, hoping beyond hope that the older woman would somehow believe her and stop annoying her. Wasn't she supposed to be having sexy fun times with HG right about now anyway? Claudia thought to herself. She was damned sure the clothes she had helped the Brit pick out earlier should have worked – she had epicly cool taste after all!

"Claudia please I...I don't have anywhere else to go..." Myka sniffed, angrily swipping at her eyes to try and keep tears from falling.

"Myka..." Claudia murmured startled by the saddness in the other womans voice. Sitting up straight she tried to look at the brunette through the darkness. "What happened?" She asked, pulling the older agent into a hug.

"I...she had...she was kissing...we were supposed to be having a sleep over and she was kissing Pete's mom." Myka cried into the younger woman's shoulder.

"What?" Claudia exclaimed, that was definitely the last thing she expected the other woman to say. "Pete's mom...kissing?" She questioned "That's just...ewww!" She exclaimed, she was apparently going to have to have a word with HG on accepted courtship rituals in the modern era, because clearly the Brit didn't have a clue!

"Claud, can I stay here tonight?" Myka quietly asked into the younger woman's shoulder.

'Course you can big buddy." Claudia murmured as she pulled the older agent into the bed with her and wrapped her in a comforting hug.

* * *

><p>"Peter honey, can I have a word." Jane asked as she knocked on her son's door.<p>

"Go away you harlot!" Pete screamed from the other side. He had heard HG use that word before and he thought it was quite funny, although thinking about the Brit, and why he was using that word on his own mother just served to make him angrier. This whole situation was just so not cool!

"Peter Lattimer, open this door now!" Jane exclaimed, using her best angry mother voice.

"What?" Pete huffed, as he swung the door open, angrily staring at his mom.

"Peter, I just wanted to explain..." Jane began with a sigh.

"Explain what?" Pete demanded "That you bearly waited till dad was cold in the ground before running around making out with another WOMAN!" He screamed at her.

"Peter honey, your dad died when you were 12, I think I've waited quite long enough." Jane exclaimed, annoyed at her son's accusations.

"Yeah, well how long has this been going on for anyway?" Pete asked "I mean have you been running down to the bronze sector and de-bronzing HG for a quick tumble?" He continued, wanting to hurt his mom as much as he was hurting right now. "I mean for all I know HG's actually my real dad." He yelled, stoping suddenly when he thought about how deviously clever HG Wells actually was. In fact if anyone could do that …... "Oh my God!" He screamed "HG's actually my real father!"

"Peter! Don't be ridiculous." Jane sighed, Perhaps Agent Wells was right about her son – he could definitely be beyond trying sometimes! "Now would you please let me explain?" She asked.

"No." Pete responded. "You know what, I don't want to hear anything you've got to say." He continued as he put his fingers in his ears. "lalalalalalalalala I can't hear you!" He exclaimed, sounding very much like a five year old child. He quickly stepped back inside his room and slamed the door shut with his foot.

"Peter, really..." Jane sighed knocking on the door once more. Having received nothing more than a chorus of "lalalalala's" for her trouble she decided to leave her son alone for tonight, he was clearly in no mood to listen to her. Perhaps if she found him the present Agent Wells had suggested he might be more amiable towards talking to her once more.

* * *

><p>"Myka, Darling." Helena exclaimed as she burst her way into Agent Donovan's room. She really wasn't too sure how she was going to get herself out of this little muddle yet.<p>

"Go away Helena." Myka sighed, hugging Claudia tighter. She really didn't want to have to deal with the British agent right now.

"Yeah HG, so not cool!" Claudia added defending her friend, as she picked up one of her pillows and threw it at the dark haired woman.

"Myka darling, please let me explain." Helena sighed. She did not like the way the sexy brunette was holding Agent Donovan. She did hope she wasn't going to be forced to challenge the young tech to a duel for Agent Berings affections. She was pretty sure Myka would be somewhat angry with her if she was forced to kill the young girl...

"Helena, there's nothing to explain." Myka muttered sitting up and looking at the older woman. "It's really none of my business anyway." She added sadly.

"But Myka darling I didn't do anything." Helena whined. "I think there may have been an artifact involved." She added.

"An artifact?" Myka questioned. That certainly sounded plauseable.

"Yes darling an artifact. I do not go around kissing people willy nilly you know, I am a Lady." She added in a huff.

"Hang on dude." Claudia interupted HG's rant. "You think there is an artifact in your room that caused you to kiss Pete's mom?" She asked the British woman.

"Yes." Helena exclaimed happy that they were finally understanding her. "Well I mean No, Mrs Lattimer kissed me." She added, wanting Myka to know that she hadn't actually started this. "But yes I believe there must have been an artifact in my room which caused this, although I have absolutley no idea how it got there." She explained. "perhaps you could help me come look for it?" She asked the other two women sweetly, as she turned and walked back towards her room.

* * *

><p>"Helena, we've been searching for something for over an hour, I really don't think there's any artifacts in here." Myka sighed, as she tieredly ran a hand through her hair.<p>

"Yes, I really have no idea how you haven't found it yet!" Helena exclaimed as she looked around the mess of stuff the other two agents had strewn across her floor, before glancing pointedly at the Original Misletoe still hanging above her bed. Really she had thought these two woman were far more intelligent than it appared.

"Ohh, I think I've found it!" Claudia exclaimed happily.

"Finally..." Helena muttered to herself.

"What have you got there Claud?" Myka asked as she quickly rushed over to where the youngest agent was standing beside Helena's writing desk.

"HG's typewritter." Claudia stated waving her hand at the archaic looking machine. "I mean HG was like a mega famous author right?" She added smiling at the British woman to show her support of her friends books that she should probably get around to reading one day. "So this typewritter probably got imbued with all artifacty stuff." She finished, quite pleased with her clever logic.

"Of course," Myka agreed "So you think that this device became imbued with all the words Helena poured into it, and this somehow caused Jane to kiss her when she touched it." She added, shaking her head in agreement. Obviously Claudia was right, how could she not have seen that earlier. "We're going to have to bag it." She decided as she began to head towards her room to grab a neutralising bag.

"What? No!" Helena exclaimed, there would absolutley be no bagging of her typewritter damn it! Really, these people were idiots, sexy idiots perhaps, but clearly idiots none the less. "How on earth would that have made Mrs Lattimer kiss me if it were an artifact?" She questioned "I didn't exactly write tawdry romance novels I'll have you know." She added rather hautily.

"Ohh..." Myka sighed, she was sure that had been the artifact, but Helena was right it just didn't make sense...

"Oh Goodness, it wouldn't happen to be that misletoe I borrowed from the Warehouse thats above my bed would it?" She asked in an overly innocent voice. She had come to the conclusion that she was simply going to have to point the obvious out to them before they started bagging all of her belongings. Really she had no idea how any of the agents managed to retrieve any of the artifact Agent Nielsen sent them after if this was how they looked for them.

"O.M.G.!" Claudia exclaimed.

"Helena is that...?" Myka looked at the Brit shocked. Surley she wouldn't have...

"Dudes! That is totes the Original Misletoe. Definitely explains the kissage." Claudia exclaimed, excitedly pointing at it. "Papa Artie is going to be so mad at you HG." She added with a laugh.

"Helena, you didn't..." Myka sighed, all to aware of the fact that the other woman very probably had.

"I...Goodness is that an artifact?" Helena asked innocently,raising her hand to her mouth in pretend shock. "I had absolutley no idea." She lied. "Perhaps we could keep this little wee fiasco from Agent Nielsen though hmmmm?" She added as an afterthought, really Arthur didn't need to know about any of this.

"Why did you take it Helena?" Myka asked, perfectly sure she didn't want to know the answer.

"I …..well I simply thought it was a harmless christmas decoration." She explained.

"Right, but its not exactly anywhere near Christmas is it Helena?" Myka added, putting a whole in the older woman's explaination.

"I...well no, not Christmas. But in Britian we also have a mid-summer Christmas as well." She quickly lied.

"Dude, you guys get two Christmas's?" Claudia asked "That is so not fair." She sighed, thinking about all the presents she had missed out on just because she was born in the wrong country.

"Helena, it's not summer, it's not even mid-summer, it's still spring." Myka stated, crossing her arms and staring at the dark haired beauty. She was not buying this whole innocent act the Brit was putting on, she was definitely up to something.

"I...ah...well of course it is darling...I um...you see mid-summer Christmas sounds better than mid-spring, so even though we celibrate it now we simply kept the better name." Helena explained.

"That makes absolutley no sense." Myka sighed, rubbing her overtired eyes.

"Of course it doesn't, its a British thing Darling." Helena explained. "However if you do not want any presents then by all means..." She trailed off with a smirk.

"Myka shut it!" Claudia whispered to the other agent. Myka might not want any presents, but she did and she was damned if she was going to let the other woman get in the way of that!

"Myka darling, could you help me get this pesky little artifact down?" Helena asked the brunette woman who was currently getting shoved by the young tech.

"What , sorry Helena?" Myka questioned quickly moving away from the grumpy young redhead and her flailing arms.

"I simply thought you might like to hop under this misletoe with me and help me remove it Agent Bering." Helena purred, winking seductivley at the young woman.

"Helena!" Myka exclaimed. Really that woman...

* * *

><p>"HG buddy!" Pete exclaimed as he came down to breakfast the next morning "Just the dude I was looking for." He smiled happy to have found her on her own.<p>

"Really Agent Lattimer I have no idea why you and Agent Donovan keep refering to me as a 'dude', I am clearly a Lady." Helena sighed.

"Yeah anyway" Pete continued, not having really listened to her speach. He had been up most of the night thinking, and he had come to the conclusion he had been far to harsh towards his mother. If she wanted to be with HG then who was he to stand in her way, she deserved a bit of happiness after all of these years. Nope, Pete decided he was going to be the good supportive son. "So look I was kind of rude about the whole situation last night so I'm sorry." He stated.

"Of course, thats quite all right." Helena acknowlegded, happy that the young man was taking responsibility for his actions.

"And you know I think my mom deserves a bit of happiness, so I'm glad she's found it." he added slightly embarassed to have to be talking about this in the first place.

"Well of course." Helena added, not really sure what the young man was talking about, but sure that she aught to agree with his statement none the less.

"So ah... what do you prefer to be called?" Pete asked the other woman "I mean 'mommy' or ah …."

"'Mum' Agent Lattimer, the word is 'mUm', or 'mUmmy' " Helena sighed, not stopping to think about why the young man would be asking her this, in her annoyance with the way American's seemed to change the Queen's English to suit themselves. Damn colonial upstarts that they were she thought to herself in a huff.

"'Mum'" Pete said to himself sounding out the word. "Yeah cos your all British and stuff." He added shaking his head in agreement - 'mom' and 'mum' it kind of worked actually. "Well ah thanks for this little talk then 'mum'." He added giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before running out the room.

"Huh...?" Helena exclaimed in confusion. Perhaps she should have paid far more attention to the conversation than she actually had. It seemed she had somehow inadvertantly gained a full grown son. Obviously Agent Donovan had mentioned something about extra Christmas presents to him, and the lad was now greasing up to her she thought with a very long sigh.

* * *

><p>"Hey don't worry guy's, I'll just come all the way from the whole other side of the Inn just to answer the damned door!" Steve grumpled as he raced towards the Inns front entrance. "You all just sit down, really I don't mind!" He continued to yell at his various workmates who were all scattered in locations that he considered far closer to the front of the house than he had been. "Hey guys, don't worry about listening to me, I mean I only live and work with you...!" He muttered as he noticed no one was paying him any attention. How on earth was a person supposed to rant if no one listened to their ranting? It was just damned well rude he decided as he reached the front door and angrily swung it open. "Yes?" He sharply questioned before actually bothering to glance at the visitor. In front of him stood the most amazing example of manhood Steve Jinks had ever laid eyes upon. He was tall and stocky with dark brown hair that flowed into a great big bushy beard. He was covered in leather and tattoos from head to toe, except for the red bandana that he wore around his forehead. Steve decided that the red really brought out the colour of his facial scars. "I...ah...I mean Hello Handsome! What can I do for you today?" Steve began again as he tried to lean sexily against the open doorway.<p>

"Ah, Hello I'm Butch." The visitor bellowed in a deep manly voice as he looked worriedly at the strange little angry man who couldn't seem to hold himself up properly.

"Oh honey you so are!" Steve happily squeeled, giving the hunk of a man a seductive wink.

"Ah...I'm here to see a Peter Lattimer." Butch explained somewhat worried about the little man who now seemed to have a facial tic aswell. He did hope he wasn't going to collapse on him, Butch didn't like the sight of blood at all...

"Hey, Hey, Hey. Did someone call for the Petester?" Pete asked with a smile as he happily walked towards the front door.

"Oh NOW you realise there's someone at the door!" Steve grumpled angrily.

"Hey calm down little Jinksy." Pete smirked at Steve as he merrily slapped the other agent on the back. "Hi, I'm Pete Lattimer." He continued as he held out his hand towards their large scary looking guest.

"I'm Butch. You're pretty!" Butch exclaimed happily as he grabbed his new boyfriends hand and hartily shook it.

"I know right, I so am!" Pete readily agreed, happy that someone else could see this very important and completley true point. "You know Butch I like you." Pete added cheerfully. "So what can I do for you buddy?" He asked.

"Your mom sent me." Butch stated as he passed Pete what looked like an extra large birthday card.

"To my Dearest Son..." Pete hapiily sighed as he began to read the card out loud. "You mean the absolute world to me my darling. For your birthday I wanted to get you something to show you how extraodinary and special you are to me, so I brought you your very own boyfriend. Love Mom." Pete finished as he dropped the card and stared at Butch in complete and utter shock.

"...the hell?..." Pete spluttered absently scratching his head in befudlement. Why the hell had his mom brought him a boyfriend? He was straight god damn it, hell she had been at his wedding... And where exactly did someone buy a boyfriend from anyway? Was this some weird attempt for them to bond over her new found gayness...?

"Oh honey,"Steve intervened for his fellow agent, not quite able to keep the utter amusement at the situation out of his voice. "Pete's not gay..." He gently told the giant hunk of a man. "I however am." He added with another wink.

"Ohh...but...I baked." Butch sadly sighed as he thrust his tin of homemade cookies towards the pretty man.

"Ohhh...Cookies!" Pete exclaimed happily as he quickly grabbed the tin and shoved a biscuit in his salivating mouth. There was no need to be rude afterall..."Ohhhh Myyyyy God!" Pete exclaimed in pure ecstasy. That was the best damned cookie he had ever eaten. "These are soooooo good!" He told their guest as he protectivley wrapped his arm around the tin in case little Jinksy decided he wanted to try some. It was his birthday present afterall...

"Thank you." Butch sadly smiled at his pretty ex-boyfriend, after all his mama had raised him to be polite. "Butch likes to bake cookies every day." He proudly stated.

"Cookies every day..." Pete muttered to himself. He could eat the best damn cookies in the world every day he suddenly realised. Plus it was just down right rude to turn down a probably very expensive birthday gift, especially one designed to bring him and his mom closer. When it all came down to it Pete decided, he was more than happy to prostitute himself out for such glorious food.

"Oh Sweety don't worry about little Jinksy here." Pete told his new boyfriend. "He's just having you on. Im super gay, I'm like the gayest gay that ever gayed!" He exclaimed hapily.

"...What...?" Steve spluttered in absolute shock. Had Agent Lattimer fallen and smacked his head? What the hell was going on here... "Peter what are you playing at?" Steve demaned as he grabbed the older agent and pulled him outside and away from their now smiling guest. "You are NOT gay!" He exclaimed as he poked him in the chest.

"Jinksy for cookies like that I'm whatever you want baby." Pete smirked at the younger agent.

"Your selling yourself for food?" Steve exclaimed rather shocked."Look, that man is super gorgeous. Why don't I date him and let him bake for you...?" Steve offered, seeing a way they could both win.

"I don't belive you man!" Pete cried, astounded that his supposed friend was trying to steal his lifetime supply of cookies. "You just want the cookies!" He accused. "Well you know what Biotch, you can just back the hell off and go find yourself another baker – cos that ones taken!"He yelled as he angrily stalked off towards his new beau.

"Come on honey" He spoke to his new personal baker as he grabbed his hand and headed back inside "Let me show you Lena's kitchen on the way to our room."

"..." Steve spluttered as he stared after the two retreating figures.

Steve suddenly realised two very important things. 1: The world was very much against him and 2: The people he worked with were all clearly completley and utterly crazy!

TBC...


End file.
